Vernon Blissworth was in love with himself. In the past, he had earnestly tried to be in love with someone other than himself, but in each instance, he found that it was not what he had hoped it would be. He had learned that being in love with someone else could never be as enjoyable, or as deeply rewarding, as being totally in love with himself.
"It may not have been love at first sight," Vernon said, "but I am certain that my love for myself is true, and I know that it will last forever."
It was an exceedingly one-sided romance, but a happy one. Vernon rarely quarreled with the object of his affection, unless there was a good reason to do so, and he never looked at anyone else. He only had eyes for himself. It was, in his own words, "a match made in heaven."
Vernon soon let it be known that his intentions were quite serious, and in due course he proposed to himself. He was an old-fashioned person, always seeking to exemplify the highest principles, with a strong belief in the institution of marriage. He quickly accepted his own proposal, knowing that he was meant for himself. Any prospect of having children, however, was clearly out of the question.
"Having found so much happiness with myself, it would be unseemly for me to complain about small matters," he said. "After all, one can't have everything."
After Vernon had been engaged for several months, he married himself on the first day of spring. It was a tasteful ceremony, with straightforward vows and one ring, held in front of a small assembly in a chapel by a lake.
"Do you, Vernon, take yourself to be your lawfully wedded spouse?" the preacher asked.
"I do," Vernon replied.
When the wedding was over, Vernon mingled with well-wishers and proudly posed alone for photographs. He then departed with his suitcase for an extended honeymoon in Bermuda. In the years that followed, he lived faithfully with himself, never doubting that he had chosen the right mate.
What... what is this? o_O
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