Mr. Excelsior Fancypants was an extremely rich man who greatly enjoyed spending his money. Whenever he spent his money, however, he spent it entirely on himself. He demanded the best of everything at all times, and spared no expense in fulfilling his selfish desires. Only expensive goods of the highest quality were acceptable to him. If something was not of the highest quality, he did not want it.
"I am rich, and quite frankly, I enjoy being rich," Mr. Fancypants said to one his wealthy acquaintances. "I am aware that not everyone is as well-off as me, but that is their problem, not mine. I am too busy being rich to worry about them."
Mr. Fancypants lived lavishly, in an enormous mansion with a dozen servants. He was unmarried, and had no family or close friends, but he did not care. His money meant more to him than other people and their petty concerns. As long as he had plenty of money to spend, he had no particular interest in anything else.
"It is all very well being liked by other people," Mr. Fancypants frequently said, "but nothing compares with the joy of being rich. I am quite certain that being rich is the only life for me."
Although Mr. Fancypants was richer than anyone had a right to be, he always wanted to have even more money. He was utterly and shamelessly consumed with greed. He believed that no matter how much money he had, it was not enough. He knew that he would never be completely happy until all of the money in the world had found its way into his bank account.
"All I want is to be the richest man in the history of the entire world," Mr. Fancypants said. "Is that too much for one man to ask?"
Mr. Fancypants pursued his goal with single-minded dedication. It required him to wheel and deal without remorse, and even prompted him to engage in certain degree of outright larceny, but he finally was able to get his hands on nearly all of the money in the world. He lacked only the trifling amount of five dollars and twenty-three cents, a sum that belonged to Walter Glunk, a small boy who was carefully saving up his weekly allowance to buy a telescope.
Walter calmly refused to surrender his money to Mr. Fancypants. He believed that Mr. Fancypants already had more than enough money of his own. Mr. Fancypants had to settle for having slightly less than all of the money in the world.
Mr. Fancypants had failed to achieve his greedy ambition, but he knew that his self-centered life must go on. He sought passing consolation by rashly spending seventeen million dollars on himself in one day.
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