My fellow citizens, I feel that I owe an explanation to you. The time has come for me to lay my cards on the table.
Many of you probably are aware that you now have less freedom than you had in the past. There is a reason for this, and it is a good reason: your government no longer trusts you. Because your government can no longer be certain that you will behave in the manner it desires, it is taking firm, but completely necessary, measures to keep all of you in line. As the old saying goes, "Too much freedom is not good for people."
Throughout the history of our country, elections have been held and administrations have changed, but the stealthy threat of freedom has remained. No one has been willing to face the problem squarely and take the strong action that must be taken. No one, until now, has been willing to save you from yourselves.
If you stop and think about it, as I have done, I know that you will understand why I am taking away your freedom. How many of you were actually putting your freedom to full use? Not many, if the truth be known. You have been too busy doing other things. Many of you, perhaps even most of you, have been afraid to use your freedom, as any good citizen should be. In time, most of you will find that living without freedom makes you feel more free. That certainly has been my own experience.
When all is said and done, there is more to life than being free. Having a great deal of money, for example, is much better than having freedom. Will freedom buy you a new house, or a new car, or a new television, or even a new pair of shoes? No, my fellow citizens, freedom will not buy you any of those wonderful things. Will freedom bring you a beautiful wife or a handsome husband? Again, the answer is no. Will freedom make your children smarter and happier? Again, no. Will freedom make you feel younger? No, not even for a moment. Will freedom get you a promotion at work? Not likely. Will freedom enhance the quality of your life to the same degree as something that might be purchased at a mall? No, of course not. When you think about it, you can readily see that freedom has no particular value at all.
Freedom is always more trouble than it is worth. It causes people to be unhappy and restless. It leads neighbors to view one another with envy and suspicion. It makes citizens less willing to obey their masters. It makes it harder for leaders to provide leadership. That is why, as your Chief Executive, I have taken it upon myself to do what must be done. I have begun the process of taking away your freedom.
This task will not be completed in a day, a week, or a month, but however long it takes, I promise you that our goal will be achieved. I know that I can rely on your assistance in this noble undertaking. With your help, and with the divine guidance of the Almighty, we can remove the scourge of freedom from our beloved homeland. Believe me, my fellow citizens, it is for your own good, and for the good of your children and your grandchildren. Someday, when your lives are no longer burdened by the curse of freedom, you will thank me.
